Christmas Cheer

Well, it's that time of the year again, when we all gather with family, and give our best wishes, and try to get along. It's funny, the way i felt before i became a christian has come back again during this period of time. It's strange, i haven't felt lathargic or depressed in a long time. So what's the cause... I guess the thing is, is that my life is so different now compared to my family. My parents come down and try to fix all my problems within 2 days, and all my family gathers, and we pretend to be a happy family even though i spend more time with the people that i work with, than all the time put together that i've spent with my family in the last 3 years.



You know, aside from that, i think the most depressing thing, is that there is no Jesus, in my family christmas. I don't feel like i've celebrated my salvation or my forgiveness at all today. I hate the way i'm feeling at the moment, and i know it's because i haven't been spending much time with god in the last few weeks. But i feel the reason for that, is almost that i'm afraid of setting myself too far apart from the ones i care about. I don't want to lose my friends, i don't want to lose my family, it's not as if i never talk or see them again, but i know that it just won't be the same.



However as i come to the end of christmast day, i'm getting to that point, where i remember why i'm following Jesus. Hope, love, change... I don't want to live an ordinary life, i don't want to wake up in 30 years and have a house, a car, a morgate, 2.5 kids... and have accomplished nothing else. Yes these things are great, and wonderful, but it's not life. "I came so that they may have life, and more abundently" true happiness is knowing christ, true happiness is to be able to love unselfishly.



To all those who actually read my blog... I miss you all, i wish you were here so i could spend time with you on this day. My heart longs for fellowship with you, longs to celebrate with you, longs to pray with you. Don't worry about gifts, or cards, your friendship is everything i need.



Don't worry about me... i'm not feeling too depressed, maybe more reflective than anything else. God bless you more than you can imagine, may god save you and your household, and may we run the race, in a way in which to win.



God bless, merry christmas.
Ben~