How Ben Found God. (Long)

Since most people don't know how i became a christian, i thought i would write my story about how God, and my lord Jesus Christ came into my life.

It was about 2 and a half years ago, that i first started going to CCM group (christian campus movement)

During this time, i was heavily addicted to gaming (playing games) and was spending about 6-8 hours A DAY playing this stupid game called Counter-strike (i think maybe it was created by demons). I was heavily addicted to other things as well (ask me personally for more details of how messed up I was.) my life was a wreck, i was still really messed up from my first girlfriend, i was a manic depressive person, contemplated suicide quit a bit, and all my other time was spent in bars playing pool, or hanging out with really bad company.

Anyway, one day i was playing games, and there was this other guy in the lan shop, and the conversation went something like this: (if bad language offends you, please don't read what follows)

Other Guy: F- You!
Me: F-You
OG: Come up here and say it (he was on the second floor)
Me: No i think herpes is contagious (really helping the situation)
Some Other Guy: he's on computer 12
....... silence .......

The guy started coming down the steps, and i was petrified, i didn't know what to do, so i just looked at my computer screen and worried more and more.
Anyway, looking at computer screen didn't help, and the guy was going something like "what the hells your problem" me... i was worried now, so i was like "i was just kidding..."

I looked back to the computer screen, only to be punched in the head, and i went down pretty fast, and the rest of his friends, (another 7 or so) and beat the hell out of me... literally :D

Anyway, 10 min later, i'm lying in my own blood with a broken finger, and a very bloodied up face, and my body was kinda hurting. Went to the hospital, doctors screwed up, later had to have pins thru my finger to fix it.

That was pretty traumatising, but it wasn't the physical pain that hurt... the thing that hurt the most is that i had people around me who were ment to be my friends... and they did nothing, i had about 7-8 friends there too, and they did nothing at all... people who i thought i could count on. It really hurt, it felt worse than anything in the world... when i needed them the most, they weren't there, i felt like i couldn't trust anyone.

Anyway, this led to me staying in my room at the RAH (royal adelaide hospital) for about 3 months straight without leaving, oh and i was staying there because my parents just sold their house... But god really provided in the most unusual way. There was this guy, who had to be at least 150 kg and he looked like a big scary biky, but he had the biggest heart. Although sadly i've lost contact with him, he had alot of issues himself. I wish i could tell him god loves him, because he felt as if no one loved him at all (please tell people the love of god, cause everyone is hurting)

Well, during that christmas i went back to malaysia, and just cried alot, and spent time with my mum, life didn't seem to be getting better, i had failed all my exams, and life was just going downhill.

Then the new year started, and i was walking around uni during O'week, and Paul (really good guy, talk to him, godly, and knows alot) came up to me and evangelised. It went something like this:

Paul : hi my name is Paul...
Me: uhhh... okay?... oh sorry.. my names ben.
Paul: do you know about god?
Ben: (eek gad, weirdo) umm yes? I'm a christian (on paper)
Paul: really?
Ben: not really... i do believe in god.
Paul: well we have this group called ccm, on thursdays at 5:15, would you like to come.
Ben: (smiles and nods) suuurrreee...

Anyway, off i went, and then it occured to me, that i didn't really have anything else to do... and my life sucked anyway, so some new faces could help... also i heard that church groups generally have lots of asian girls... so i thought perhaps i could pick up one of them, so i went.

Well, i spent the next 3 months going to ccm and eventually going to church.... i have no idea at all why... i spent the whole time sitting in the back, either
a) sleeping (which really really really annoyed nick... maahhha)
b) looking at everyone and thinking.... man christians are weird.

But, by the grace of god i kept going, and suddenly one day, i saw how Brendan, helen, paul (only 3 i really knew then) loved people, and how no matter where you were from or what you did or how you smelt, they loved and cared for you... and i thought to myself... i want that... i don't know what it is, but my life is so crap, i want that, i want to be able to love people, and just care, with no hidden motives.

Thus I said the sinners prayer (all for the wrong reasons by the way, it was cause a girl i liked was christian and i thought i should have something in common) but god answered, and he came into my life and changed me in so many ways, he gave me hope, forgiveness, and strength... i use to wish i could have found him later so i could sin more... but now i wish i found him earlier.

What is my life like now?

I wake, and have purpose... i can love people for who they are... i feel alive, i don't have all this hate in my heart, but a longing to love people more and more... i love life.

I am still flawed, and i still sin, and i still make mistakes, and life as a christian is hard... it's a constant battle, but i have unmentionable joy, and i know death is not the end for me.

God loves you, ALL of you, and he doesn't care about your past... all before will be forgiven if you turn to him, and you can never do anything that God's grace cannot cover, His forgiveness is beyond anything i could ever do, and he still loves me, and he loves you (reader).

God is the author and perfecter of our faith, and my life is aglow with love for Jesus.

If you would like to know more about god, or have any questions, please feel free to email me at yahweh_007@hotmail.com

God loves You.