Understanding Solace

What's with this new thing

2007-12-03T15:17:00.000+10:30

Man it took me forever just to get back to this area on blogger where i can post... i think i'm getting old. Technology is starting to advance fast enough that i just don't care about keeping up anymore. Plus i'm dead broke, so that could have a big impact on it.

God i wish i wasn't so broke. I so need a job.

Think i'll post something more profound soon.

Christmas Cheer

2006-12-25T18:42:00.000+10:30

Well, it's that time of the year again, when we all gather with family, and give our best wishes, and try to get along. It's funny, the way i felt before i became a christian has come back again during this period of time. It's strange, i haven't felt lathargic or depressed in a long time. So what's the cause... I guess the thing is, is that my life is so different now compared to my family. My parents come down and try to fix all my problems within 2 days, and all my family gathers, and we pretend to be a happy family even though i spend more time with the people that i work with, than all the time put together that i've spent with my family in the last 3 years.

You know, aside from that, i think the most depressing thing, is that there is no Jesus, in my family christmas. I don't feel like i've celebrated my salvation or my forgiveness at all today. I hate the way i'm feeling at the moment, and i know it's because i haven't been spending much time with god in the last few weeks. But i feel the reason for that, is almost that i'm afraid of setting myself too far apart from the ones i care about. I don't want to lose my friends, i don't want to lose my family, it's not as if i never talk or see them again, but i know that it just won't be the same.

However as i come to the end of christmast day, i'm getting to that point, where i remember why i'm following Jesus. Hope, love, change... I don't want to live an ordinary life, i don't want to wake up in 30 years and have a house, a car, a morgate, 2.5 kids... and have accomplished nothing else. Yes these things are great, and wonderful, but it's not life. "I came so that they may have life, and more abundently" true happiness is knowing christ, true happiness is to be able to love unselfishly.

To all those who actually read my blog... I miss you all, i wish you were here so i could spend time with you on this day. My heart longs for fellowship with you, longs to celebrate with you, longs to pray with you. Don't worry about gifts, or cards, your friendship is everything i need.

Don't worry about me... i'm not feeling too depressed, maybe more reflective than anything else. God bless you more than you can imagine, may god save you and your household, and may we run the race, in a way in which to win.

God bless, merry christmas.
Ben~

Prayer Poem

2006-09-21T09:59:00.000+09:30

I want to see you in a different light
One that's plain and true
Not to see you for what i want
But what's really you.

How i long to know what true love is
Not selfish desires disguised
Not the war that wages within me
But the way i feel when i look into your eyes

The feeling of love and care
How I would give all until the end
Not an object of my desires
But my companion and friend

So Lord please help me with my weaknesses
For they weigh heavily on my soul
For I want to be your man of God
Not a man out of control

Let me not fall victim to my desires
But shine for what is true
For Holy righteousness lives in me
And I desire to be with You

And lastly to all my friends I know
Please try to understand
Though I may not always show it
You all mean the world to this man.

I would go to the ends of the earth
For God and for You
For though we don't have the same blood
My love for you is true.

Pain and Suffering~

2006-04-06T10:39:00.000+09:30

"jesusissexy said...ok....so you are telling people that natural disasters that kill millions of people are a result of our choice and free will?put it this way...you say;god is all powerful and all loving i say; since there is disaster and turmoil in the world, god is either not "all powerful" or he is not "all loving" tell the millions of people, including children that die every year because of natural disasters, that it is "their" fault, and they have a choice to die. it must be very easy for you to preach your wacked ideals from the comfort of ur own home... have you ever tried taking a more public forum...you twat.

To Jesusisexy,
I’m really sorry about the late reply. I have been intending to write back to you since you replied with your post. I had written a response, and then decided to rewrite it, mostly because I feel that you don’t really want an argument to prove which of us is more ‘smarter’ but rather a real answer that relates to the world around us, and a reason why there is so much pain, pain which we believe is completely undeserved.

Suffering in the world is something that even I struggle with understanding. Being a Christian doesn’t stop bad things from happening to me either, I have seen those around me that I love and care about slowly succumb to cancer, people with no arms or legs having to beg for food, friends who have been raped or molested in their childhood. Suffering and pain, isn’t limited to third world people, but rather it is a universal stigma that affects us all.

If indeed this life is the only thing that you, me and everyone else has and there is nothing more after we die, than all the suffering, tears and cries of those children and others go unanswered. Life is truly tragic and all we strive for is in vain. Everything we hope for, our longings, struggles, dreams, and desires come to nothing, absolutely nothing. “Life is a bitch then you die”. However I don’t believe that is so, I believe that we have a soul that will last for eternity and there is an “all powerful” and “all loving god” who also has perfect justice.

Now in regard to all the natural disasters and pain and suffering in the world, I still believe that most of it is a result of evil people and not nature and that even the pain caused by natural disasters could definitly be minimized or eliminated if humans were as God created us to be. For example, famines, no one in the world would starve if people truly “loved his neighbor as himself”. The world has enough food to feed everyone but there are those that hord more than they need at the expense of others. For example, America makes up 7% of the worlds population but consumes half of the worlds resources.

There are a lot of “natural evils” in the world that could be prevented if their was no political wars, (for example; Cold War which resulted in wars such as Vietnam/ Korea which had side effects on the populations from Chemical weapons such as “Agent orange” which causes mutations) a balanced distribution of resources (a lot of south east asians eviromental problems are a result of exploitation from multinational corporations) or if people just didn’t have so much apathy towards the enviroment for example global warming which has resulted in huge climate changes causing extreme droughts and floods in different parts of the world. The world knows of this problem, yet there are countries that refuse to make changes such as America and Australia, who prefer profit and economic growth over safty. Not always are disasters “natural evils” but rather the result of evil hearts.

There are other disasters that are not caused by humans, and I would like to give you two reasons. Firstly we live in a fallen world. That might sound really stupid, but if what the bible says is true, then we live in a world that is tainted by sin (as a result of adam and eve eating the apple). If the world isn’t perfect anymore as it was ment to be, then natural disasters could be a reppercusion of sin. Which leads me to my next point.

Saving your physical body from pain or disease would really acomplish nothing in the end. Gods goal is not for your physical body to be saved, but rather your soul. Jesus healed people as a demonstration of his power to make it clear to those who were watching that God could do anything. But the healings were not only to heal, but to save souls. It was about the soul not the body, all those people Jesus healed eventually died of one thing or another, and 2000 years later all that matters was that their souls were saved.

Which matters more to you 2000 years from now? Whether or not your cancer is cured or whether or not your soul made it into eternal life.

I don’t know if I gave you the answer you wanted, but I know this for sure, that there are evil people in this world, and there is pain and suffering. We all eventually die, whether in the lap of luxury or in the gutter or on the battle field. All people die, even you and me. But what happens next is of greater importance than anything else in this life. This world is coming to an end, sooner or later the stars will stop shinning and the sun will run out of energy. But your soul will still exist. I know God is all powerful and all loving and has perfect justice. I don’t understand why somethings happen, but I trust that God will make it right. I trust that God will judge all our actions, those done in public and those done in secret and that through Jesus’s sacrifice I will have eternal life with God.
Please take care of yourself this Easter, and hope you can reply when you have time.

Why Is The World Full Of Suffering?

2006-04-05T02:57:00.000+09:30

To Joisuschrist,

I hope you don't mind me quoting what you wrote.

"joisuschrist said...
you are an absolute evangelical freako!!! get real! god is not talking to you! stop using it as an excuse to indulge in your self-obsessed trite! go show how much god is loving to the millions of people dying of aids and starving in africa....maybe ur f****** "dilemma" at the hyatt regency wont seem like such a challenge as you walk in the footsteps of your creator. f******!"

First of all, thanks for replying to one of my posts, since all the other replies that i usually get are from some random porn site. Strangly enough i'm not at all insulted by what you wrote... I am definitly an evangelical freako, I enjoy talking about Christ more than anything else. Perhaps i do seem a bit self-obsessed and trite, but the God i know cares about the little things i'm going through, He cares about the things your going through too. You do make a really good point (which i've made bold) of why am I not off in so far off country trying to help these people? But I think more of the underlying question is why does God all a world to be full of suffering~ So let me try to answer both of those questions and I would love to hear your thoughts on the matter.

1) Why am I not in africa?

Well first of, i'm only 21, fresh out of university and still studying and trying to get a full time job. I'm currently going to Bible college and also doing a certificate in real estate. Short term wise, i want to complete my studies, and generate enough income to purchase fixed assets that will be able to give me money so when i go into full time ministry (going help people, etc) i don't need to be funded by other people. I do however sponser a child on my meager income, and donate money to other organizations. However I believe that there is a lot of work that can be done in the community around us, without flying 20,000kms away. I'm sure you know of homeless people, abused, loney, people in your city that could use your love and care as much as anyone else. So i try to help where I can.

2) Why is the world full of suffering?

Now this is a much more interesting question. I'll try to put it into a logical progression of thought. If it's too long or boring at times, please try to bare with it a little.

The world is full of suffering because God gave us all free will and with this free will comes the possibility of them misusing that freedom, even if this means hurting other people. What is freedom to love, (lets say) or not love unless it is the freedom to make someones life better or to harm them. If we could only choose one path, or one action, or one outcome of any situation, it would no longer be considered free will.

For instance, if i gave my newphew five dollars to spend on anything he wants, yet I stepped in and stopped him everytime I thought he was spending it on something wrong (according to my judgement) would that five dollars really be his?

In the same way, you and me have a huge capacity to love, and a huge capacity to cause harm to those around us. The choice is ours, we can either build people up or tear them to pieces. You see by the choices people have made in this world, it has made life harder. For instance, if all the rich countries in the world donated 10% of their surplus, no one would be starving in the world. We, ourselves had the cure for the worlds problems yet we choose, because of reasons such as money, power, or politics not to help these people and as a result these people suffer.

joisuschrist I know it's not your real name, but if you want to, please reply with your thoughts.
Anyway, take it easy.
Ben~

The Power Of Man/Women

2006-03-28T03:03:00.000+10:30

Random thoughts

Have you ever realised the amount of power we hold as individuals, as humans, as beings with free will and the ability to influence eternity.

For instance, as individuals, we can choose to do anything except die... you can go swimming, chase cars, starve, eat excessively, kiss people, kiss animals... a whole mutlitude of both interesting and crazy choices are at our disposal.

It's interesting how much pure love of one person can affect another. The love of a friend to pull you through the hardest of times, to give you joy and comfort when the world around you gets too much, to stand by yourside when everyone else has left, to know how your feeling, to show you the lighter side of the seriousness of life.

I'm amazed by pure love... pure of a christian brother or sister is amazing too. A love that forgives your faults, understands that your past is your past, prays for your current stuggles and doesn't give up.

"perfect love casts out all fears"

A Choice of Comfort Or Purpose

2005-12-21T00:37:00.000+10:30

I'm not really quite sure what to do about this little dilema of mine.

I'm currently working at the hyatt regency adelaide... and well.... at times it's hard to get through the night, but god has really started to open doors for me to evangelise more and more to my fellow co-workers. My boss has told me that she wants to have lunch and talk about this god of mine, two of my co-workers tonight asked me to explain christianity to them. It's been going really really good. Although at times i don't like working there, but i really see gods hand moving at the moment.

On the other hand, there is a guy offering me a job to which i can choose my own hours and i get to work on my person to person skills. I'm not sure about it, the boss and his son seem like really good people. But my current feeling is, that it's not the right time. Perhaps soon, but not yet. What do ya'll think... I think you would probable be agreeing with me.

2005-11-21T16:25:00.000+10:30

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Regards.

Sea Shells

2005-11-03T12:27:00.000+10:30

I sit hear listening to the song “blowing in the wind” by Bob Dylan which was a song written to protest the Viet Nam War. It has some of the most profound lyrics I have ever heard. I think about what violent acts and atrocities were committed during any war in the name of peace, liberation, religion, defence, love, hate, righteousness. I think about how can a man live with himself and go back to normal life, after taking someone’s life, after seeing life drain away from someone right in front of him. How can a man live with himself, after torturing and killing someone, how can a man live with himself doing things to women and children during war time that would never be accepted during peace time.

I think about what great shame and misery they must have when they are sitting at home, all alone reflecting on his actions, or even worse being married, and when looking at his wife, seeing women he had taken advantage of, or when looking at his kids, seeing children that have been killed, whether or not on purpose by his own hand. I thank god I was never accepted in the army. But what I fear even more for these men, and sometimes women, in their day of judgement, when they stand in front of the lord of all creation, the one who created the land he ravaged, the women he scarred, the men he killed, and the children he orphaned. What would you say, what could you say? God it was in the name of ‘Democracy’ lord, lord, it was okay, all the other men were doing it. Lord, I was told to kill that child, it wasn’t my fault. I tell you, that God doesn’t compare us and say, why didn’t you do as good as this man or that man. God sees your heart and what you have done with what you have. He who has much, much is expected. Man’s only hope is in the Cross of Jesus Christ.

You may say, yes this man needs god! This man needs God so much more than I, I who live a good life in the cities, I go to church on Sunday, pay my taxes, and put my children in good schools…. What type of hypocrisy do we live in? I know of people who have earned millions in their life times, and they plan to retire on a boat and go sailing around the world and collect seashells. What does this person say when he meets the Lord who brings everything into account. Lord, lord, look, I know I didn’t go tell people about the gospel, I know I didn’t let my children go to the missionary field because it was too dangerous; it was too scary to tell people about you. But look Lord, Look. My sea shells, my beautiful seashells. Look at my children; they have good educations, good cars, good jobs. So no one heard your word in my life, but I supported, I tithed, I allowed others to go forward. I tell you again those who have been given much, much will be expected, and all our works will be put to test to see if they last. There are those who will only JUST pass through the fire.

My comments to you, are: Study hard, get good jobs, enjoy life, enjoy what your heart desires in your youth, but remember that god will bring into judgement all this done, in public and in secret. Enjoy the fruit of your labour, enjoy what God has given you, but don’t forget that our lives are not to bring glory to ourselves but to bring glory to God our creator.

The problem in our society and in our lives’, is that Jesus is just a part of our lives, when Jesus really should be the point of our lives.

Passion For God

2005-10-08T01:11:00.000+09:30

I said to the man

Who stood at the gate of the year,

“Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.”

And he replied, “Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God

That shall be to you

Better than the light And safer than a known!”
So I went forth

And finding the hand of God

Trod gladly into the light.

Today i went to the global leadership summit, and my heart was stirred so much for god. I felt an umbelievable sense of "holy discontent"

I really don't know where i'm going, what i will be doing in the future. I reality, after i finish this degree i don't know where i will be going, i don't know who i will be seeing, but i know that i want to be following Jesus.

The only thing in this life that keeps me from falling apart is him, and the thing that amazes me, is that i dissapoint god, i think, on a weekly basis, yet he always takes me back.

I'm pushing forward, i'm trying to convay this love to other christians, to non-believers. It is amazing, at my work, simply words, just being nice, just being me, i can really sense that i'm reaching out to these people. I'm trying to find the right moment, when god will allow me to be his vessel for him to speak through.

You know, i have friends that really respect the courage that they think i have to reach out to ppl, but it's not true courage, it's not me... i don't want to be rejected, i don't want to put myself out on the line. I want to be accepted, i want to fit in. BUT, but i have a passion, a desire, a burning in my heart, the knowledge that "outside of the Jesus Christ and the resurrection, there is no other hope for man kind"

I want to go out in the blaze of glory for God. You know i don't know how long, or how short this life is going to be, but i want to make damn sure i get my bang for money. How do i do this, how do you do this? Today, i learnt it. You find your passion, you find the thing that makes you so discontent, that your body burns with the desire to do something about it.

Then....

Then.... you feed it.... You don't run away, you get whatever this is, and use it to catapult yourself into ministry.

For me, it is poverty, extreme poverty... for me, it's see people being abused and taken advantage of, forced to do things they don't want to do... This make a firestorm in me, and if vengence wasn't the lords, alone. I would kick who evers ass that was from here, to where ever the hell they came from.

On a different note. I love who i am in christ, and i know everyone thinks i use my blog just to preach, but this is what makes me tick, this is what builds me, this is what fuels me to go as far as i can.

God bless, hope this has been encouraging.

Ben.

Be My Escape

2005-09-12T23:06:00.000+09:30

When I got tired of running from you
I stopped right there to catch my breath
There your words they caught my ears
You said, “I miss you son. Come home”

And my sins, they watched me leave
And in my heart I so believed
The love you felt for me was mine
The love I’d wished for all this time

And when the doors were closed
I heard no I told so’s
I said the words I knew you knew
Oh God, Oh God I needed you

God all this time I needed you, I needed you

Not much to say

2005-08-24T12:46:00.000+09:30

Well, lets see, i have nothing really to say at all...
I've decided my worship songs for tomorrow and.... oh no@!#!@# i haven't rung alicen yet!#@

lets see... umm...

Chinese test yesterday went really sucky.... umm... my guittaring is improving, i'm going tone deathe (how the hell do you spell that just spent ten minutes trying to write it)

Walk with god is going well, although i believe my peoples skills are really taking a beating. .... quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.... definitly need to work on that.

Anyway, i'm off to my joyous chinese class. Amen.

ARRRG

2005-08-23T07:44:00.000+09:30

Sooo much today, so stressed... God please help me get through today, arrg, then got to organize so many other things...
Keep me in prayer anyone that reads this.

Ben~

Ingenious Plan

2005-08-22T16:44:00.000+09:30

Well, lets see,

I haven't posted in sssoooo long that hopefully by now, no one ever checks this, so now i can write what ever i want :D

Well lets see, my friends birthday was on friday, and since i didn't know anyone, i got to dance like an idiot, and just have fun... quite nice knowing that in the scheme of things, no matter how bad you dance, no one is going to remember you.

Weekend was interesting... sort of... didn't do much at all...

Well, this is great, i can finally post without thinking of what people think, but i have nothing to say....

I'm leading at ccm this thursday.... not really sure what songs i want to play.... it's sooo.... umm.... intimidating on wat song you should play... cause i know there should be an underlying theme, but i can't really think of songs i want to play that have a theme.....

anyway, i'll get back to this once i finish my work

I have an interview/ chinese test/ contempory china presentation all on tuesday... someone shoot me.

Hobart! A behind the scene look!

2005-07-21T21:19:00.000+09:30

Well, lets see, since i haven't updated my blog, and since everyone since asking me how hobart was, then i guess i better write how hobart was.

Lets see, a quick run down of what happened.

Thursday : Arrive, get busking licence (for free) , brief tour of small city, settle into the new room and make a huge mess, start first p n w, with a whole 7 people, although more intense then most p n ws i've had.

Friday: Wake up early do pnw, then..... sit around for too long, waiting to do something. Start doing something, put on really warm cloths, and head up a 1.5 km high mountain. Stop half way up hill to be shown really cold, but nice water, that for some reason tastes a little funny (after a brief discussion we decided that it was not pee from a higher up area on the mountain.) Stop 3/4 up the hill, to look a trees completely covered with frozen ice. Watch everyone (including me) try to eat trees.
Finally reach the top of mountain, wishing i hadn't come. Very cold, very windy, thinking satan is probable very close. Walk around aimlessly, looking at clouds, and trying to be profound about being cold. Finally decided to leave this very ungodly place and head down to another.
Found a path, of rocks, with more rocks to guide your way. Climb up iced over hill, and get to the top, where it is not only freezing, but snowing as well. We decide to go pray somewhere else.

Finally get out of cold, but am taken to a big ass hill to climb. Very tiring, not feeling very godly by the time i got to the top. Start praying. Finish praying. Enjoy awsome view, and realise that god is great, although this mountain should have an escalator. If anywhere you should go for enviromental scenary, hobart is definitly up there.
Make our way down hill, still haven't slipped although nick, andy, and eddy, all have already slipped. Finally make it to flat ground, and ben stacks it horrible. Must have tripped over my pride.
Go to city, find asian guy in kfc, evangelise.... now this guy is more or less confirmed...
Look for toilet.... find very cute looking japanese girl along the way... find out she's 16.... walk away very sad.... of course because she doesn't know god =)
Day2 ends, with good food and pnw and made preperation for tomorrows preaching.

Saturday morning: Bens melencholic personality leads him to be all finished and prepared, but having to wait for about 2-3 hours for everyone else to finish. Practice at home, everyone feels great... high moral.
Go to market. First guy (simon) gets up to preach. No response from the crowd. Fair enough. Ben gets up! Waves arms furiously, yells and screams. Some people stop to listen and watch, probable wondering what in the world this little arm waving asian kid is on about. Andy gets up, and preaches load and clear, draws a nice little crowd. Seems much more 'normal' then ben. Eddy preaches. Although ben has wondered off somewhere so i have no idea how it was.
Preaching over, indulge in lots of food. David (other guy who is in hobart) manages to evangelise and bring home this vietnamese tourist Bao.
End of day 3

Sunday: early Pnw, madly clean up, turn bedroom into church room. Andy left back for adelaide that morning. Service has seven people. First new visitor.... Bao..... probabale gets more intercession prayer that morning then most people get in their life.
Sunday, was quite interesting... but boring at the same time. CCM Hobart, has their first AGM. A whole 5 members, two non-christians. (irony)
End of day 4

Monday; pnw, then go to uni, and go evangelise. Ben gets fed up and goes plays pool. Meets five people. Goes out side, looking for toilet, finds two africans, asks them to wednesday night event.
That night, have big prayer walk. Me, nick and shen ying get funny evil feeling. Pray more fervently. (that's why our prayer walk is in the day :D)
End of day 5

Tuesday: go back to uni, feel really discouraged, listen to someone tell me how to evagelise. walk around not doing much. Not sure what happened the rest of that day. at night, call all random people who we met.

Wednesday: morning, stress about going back unto the front (uni) but people reached decision we should relax. We go have a nice lunch, talk pray laugh. That night, organize pizza night. 12 new people show up! Have a great debate about why christ was needed, and why god killed his own son. Talk about a lot of other random stuff.
End of night, shout for joy, have a really nice pnw. pray.

Thursday: 4:40 am wake to make a plane that leaves at six, say parting words, stagger onto plane. That's it!

Oki, since i'm listening to a sermon, i don't think i will write anymore. But if you have any questions, POST!

2005-07-19T17:05:00.000+09:30

I'm not with you, because i choose god instead.

2005-07-18T21:53:00.000+09:30

I hate myself because i still like you, but you don't seem to notice, or care.

Another long time and no posting

2005-07-07T08:36:00.000+09:30

Well, it looks like i'm really bad at this whole commitment thing....
Stupid blogging, take so much time, i guess it's not all that bad

Well it's thursday morning 8:37, i've already been up for 5 and a half hours, (don't ask, couldn't sleep)
I'm heading off to hobart with nick, eddie, and andy, should be fun and interesting, a good chance for me to catch up on my bible reading.

No one is dead here, so i guess that's good, all functioning all alive. I guess the worse thing that could happen is that the plane goes down. Just in case it does... i'll see you all in heaven, say hi to my friends for me, and to all those girls i've every liked.... well, you made my life interesting.

Anyway, see you in seven days.

Long Time, No Post

2005-06-22T14:58:00.000+09:30

Well, lets see, not much has happened but i will still try to make myself sound interesting :p

1) Girl who was ment to email me (the one that i talked to over the phone) finally called again... and well, the whole spark was gone.... sniff... guess she isn't the one, even though i already new she wasn't... but hey, it was interesting while it lasted.

2) My birthday organization is terrible, i have no idea who is even coming to my birthday, but i guess i will just have to pray that i have friends.

3) I still haven't started studying for my exam... MICHELLE!!! study with me.... actually i think you finish pretty soon...

4) Post a secret, although i thought it was really perfound and thoughtful when i first read it, it is now starting to depress me. The guy that recieves these, must be unbalanced because some people must send in terrible secrets.

5) God is really the only way, i have never found anything else ever that made sense.

6) Some guy on the chess server randomly messaged me, with a lot of abuse.... it was kinda funny, i didn't react how i use to.... instead, i tried to evangelise to him.... he didn't respond well to the gospel, he's met too many christians in his life that was stuck up. Real pitty that. I hope i'm not stuck up.

7) I love my life, even if i'm not always smiling.

What is going on~

2005-06-16T12:03:00.000+09:30

It is so annoying, a week ago i was too busy to blog
and now my life is so boring there is nothing to blog about.

I wish my life had more drama. Preferable female drama, but when i do have drama, i feel so far from god, and then during the transition phase of drama- no drama i feel really close to god, and then life is too easy and i feel like i drift away. It's so sucky.

Thus the easiest way to solve this problem would be to look for trouble, no?

Crash, how do you view other people?

2005-06-14T16:33:00.000+09:30

"Crash" I commend this movie to you. To me, would have to be one of the most moving, thought provoking and a movie that makes you look deep into your own soul and question you how you view other people, whether because of their actions, looks or gender.

I don't intend to give you a movie review, although i do say, i will put myself out on a limb and say, it will have a more life changing and life lasting effect then "return of the sith" or any other of the dodgy star wars series.

What did this movie make me think... well, it made me think that i am skum... although i figured that one out a long time ago. It made me really think of how i view other people because of their race and gender. I really have to say, i'm very dissapointed the way i view people because of their race and gender, and even their actions. This movie made me realise (although i should already know) that all people have problems, and they are all hurting. Whether they are a thug, an asian person, a cop or whatever, everyone is looking for something in this life. We are really the only people who have this something (christians).

You know, i am prejudice towards vietnamese people cause i got beaten up by some
I am prejudice towards malay people cause my ex- is going out with one
I am prejudice towards english people because i think they're racist (ironic, i know)
I am prejudic towards white people because of their ancestors actions, and i think they're stupid.
I am prejudic towards asian people, because they don't understand me at all.
I am prejudic towards females because of my own insecurities.

What did i learn today...... (apart from, i'm a jack ass and need gods grace, and a lot of it at that)

Everyone, no matter how messed up, ugly, good looking, black white, blue, yellow, short, tall, fat, skinny, dumb, smart, male or female.....

They need God, They need Love, They need Hope,

I once heard someone said "Bad things in the world happen, not because there are no good people, but it happens because good people sit by and do nothing"

I hope that if you watch this movie, that you will feel how i felt, and want to tell people about God... or even better, would be to look at yourself, and realise a lesson that is worth more than a movie ticket.

Only one life will past, only things of jesus will last.

I have no idea what to write about.

2005-06-14T07:56:00.000+09:30

Well hey all, i don't really know what to write about, although i do want to give a testemony, but i think that can wait until thursday, it is, i think, a good testemony, but i'm not sure....

Anyway, hows things in my life.... easy, relaxed.... although i do want to sleep write now...

Hmm.. well, i do have one other thought, women go crazy when they are stressed, i think guys in general are much better under pressure, however generalised that might be. Well, i'm also listening to a sermon.

OH EVERYONE, ON JUNE 25TH 4PM - 8PM COME TO MY HOUSE FOR MY BIRTHDAY/LUNCH RELAX FROM EXAMS THINGLY.

Please tell others who don't read this, only those in ccm, cause not everyone from church is invited!

What Is The Romans Road To Salvation?

2005-06-10T20:27:00.000+09:30

Hey Guys & Gals,

I'm not sure if you all know what is the Roman's road to salvation, or if you do, you probable don't have it memorised. IF you are unsure of your salvation or even what it means to be saved or the message behind christianity, if you have time, try to read through this slowly, it will benifit you alot. I think it is necessary that we should be ready to preach the gospel at all times (1 Timothy 4:2) , and i've realised in my life, that i really don't know how to tell someone, in a logical order, what christianity is actually about. So i pray, as i try to write down in a logical and simple way, the Roman roads for anyone who is reading this, that they, and i, are refreshed and have the willingness to reach out to those who are perishing, and tell them about the God who's love can change our lives forever. Amen.

p.s got this from (http://www.gotquestions.org/romans-road-salvation.html)

1) the first verse to the Roman road of salvation is Romans 3:23
"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."
- We have all sinned
- We have all done things displeasing to god
- There are none who are innocent
- (refer to Romans 3:10-18 and 1:21-32 for what sin looks like in our lives)

2) The second scripture is Romans 6:23 which teaches about the consequences of sin.
"For the wages of sin is death; but the free gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our lord."
- Punishment for sin, is death
- Not just physical, but eternal spiritual death too.

3) The third verse is where Romans 6:23 left off, "But the free gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our lord." Romans 5:8 declares,
"But God demonstrates His own love towards us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
- Christ died for us
- Jesus paid for our sins
- Jesus ressurection proves God's acceptence of Jesus' death as payment for our sins.

4) The fourth verse to salvation is Romans 10:9,
"That if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved."
- Because of Jesus' death, all we have to do is believe in him,
- Trusting His death as payment for our sins and we will be saved!!!
- Romans 10:13 reliterates "for everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved"
- Jesus paid the penalty of our sins and resues us from eternal death.
- Salvation and forgiveness of sin is available to anyone who trusts and believes in Jesus Christ as their Lord and Saviour.

5) The final aspects of the Romans road to salvation is the results of salvation. Romans 5:1 is a wonderful message (especially useful with Catholics)
"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ."
-Through Jesus we can have a relationship of peace with God.
Romans 8:1 says:
"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."
- Because of Jesus death on our behalf, we will NEVER be condemned for our sins! AMEN!!

Finally we have this promise from God in Romans 8:38-39
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus or Lord! AMEN!@# amen is not in the verse, just to let you know :p

I hope you guys have found that as benificial to you, as it was for me to look it up and think about it. I hope your exam studies are going well, perhaps you can even evangelise to someone who looks like they are stressing out, perhaps god can use you in amazing ways even through this stressful time. God bless, take care, study hard, but don't forget about god!

p.s For those random people who read blogs, or someone who doesn't know christ, and you would like to accept Jesus Christ into your life and enjoy His blessing from until the end of eternity please pray this simple prayer:
(This is a way to declare to God that you are relying on Jesus Christ for your salvation, the words themselves will not save you!!! Only faith in Jesus Christ can provide salvation)
"God, I know that I have sinned against you and that i am deserving of punishment. But Jesus Christ took the punishment that I deserved so that through faith in Him I could be forgiven. I turn away from my sin and place my trust in You for salvation. Thankyou for Your wonderful grace and forgiveness - the gift of eternal life! Amen!!"

Welcome to the family! Ben~

3am

2005-06-09T02:58:00.000+09:30

It's 3am in the morning, and i have no idea why i'm awake, i went to sleep at like 11pm which is somewhat late compared to what time i usually go to sleep. For some reason thinking about africans while i was trying to get to sleep. Have no idea why. Sttrraaannggee.
Anyway, that's that... back to work.

Spirit is thicker than blood.

2005-06-06T19:39:00.000+09:30

Tonight, i saw someone i didn't know. The strange thing is, i have known them for 21 years of my life. They were there the first day i came back home, they were there when i fell over, they were there when i was a pain in the ass.

They looked after me, shared with me their morals, shared with me their hopes and dreams, they dreampt of making it big, seeing the world, marrying the perfect man, raising a perfect family.

Yet this world did not let them dream too long, before it crushed their all they dreampt of. It offered them simple pleasures, it offered them independence, it offered them drugs, it offered them pleasure.

A slow step, they took away, from a god they did not know. Another step and another, and soon it began to show. They no longer dreampt, but only wept, of a life that now can not be. Stuck with a husband, that does not treat them how god wanted it to be. They go through days after days, grumbling about their lot, cursing god, and asking him what they did wrong. They still pray, every night, but to a god that does not hear "Oh god that i have ignored, that i pushed out of my life, why are you never near? Oh please oh please i need you now, i need you to sell my house."

But i already know, how it would go, if the prayer was indeed answered. Like all others that they have prayed for, they shall just brush it off. With a "oh ben, its not god, but it was me, i sold my house with all my hard work, and with these hands"

But did not god give you those hands, and make the elements that made your house? Did god not give you life with a single breath, and did not god give you the gift of two beautiful sons, that he could have taken away, like the other ones before?

My heart is heavy, i know why, because i sit here and watch my family, slowly die. How they do not know, that what they put their hope in, will all turn to dust. Why don't they know, oh why can't they see, that god loves them and whats them back?

I wish i could reach out and say, god and jesus is the way. Perhaps on my special day, god will touch there hearts, and bring back his children that turned away.
God, please help them, please help me.

True Godly Love, when it matters most, what will shine?

2005-06-06T14:26:00.000+09:30

This is an extract from a sermon i heard, i think it is unbelievable profound, and will cause you to look at yourself closely, and make you think of your relationship with god, and your future relationship with your wife. I hope this inspires you as much as it did me.

From the book "A spectical under God"

This is about Christopher Love a welsh preacher, when in 1651 a nervous english government exsecuted him, this is a letter from his wife, the day before he was exsecuted. His relationship between him and his wife, was a love that held christ above their love and everything else.

July 14th 1651

'Quote'

Before i write a word further, i beg you not to think that your wife is now writing but rather a friend. I hope you have freely given up your wife and your children to god who has said in Jeremiah 49:11 "Leave your fatherless children i will preserve them alive and let your widow trust in me" Your maker Christopher will be my husband and a father to your children.

Oh that the lord will keep you from having one troubled thought about your family. I desire freely to give you up to your fathers hands and not only to look at it as a crown of glory for you to die for christ but as a honour for me that i should have a husband to leave, for christ.

I dare not speak to you nor have a thought within my own heart of my unspeakable loss but wholly keep my eye fixed on your inexpressable and inconcievable gain. Your leaving your children, brothers and sisters, to go on to your lord jesus, your eldest brother. You leave your friends on this earth to go to the enjoyment of the saints and angels and the spirits of just men made perfect in glory.

You leave the earth for heaven for heaven and exchange a prison, for a palace and if earthly affection should begin to arise, Christopher i hope, that a spirit of grace thats within you will quell them. Knowing that all the things here are but dross in comparrison to those things that are above. I know you will keep your eye fixed on the hope of glory, which makes your feet trample on the loss of earth.

My dear, i know god has glory for you, but also for you, it. But i am persuaded that he will sweeten the way for you to come to the enjoyment of it. When your putting on your clothes tomorrow morning, oh think, I am now putting on my wedding garments to go be with my everlasting redeemer to be married. When the messenger of death comes to you, to take you to the block, let him not seem dreadful to you. But look at him as the messenger that brings you tidings of eternal life. When you climb the scaffold think, as you told me you would; "that you are climbing aboard you firey chariot to carry you to your fathers house." And when you lay down your precious head to recieve your fathers stroke, remember what you said to me, "Though my head shall be severed from my body, yet in that moment my soul will be united with my head, the lord Jesus Christ in heaven and though it might seem something bitter, that i am leaving this life sooner than i had wanted, Mary, let us consider that it is the decree and the will of our heavenly father and it will not be long before we shall enjoy one another in heaven again."

Let us comfort one another with these things, be comforted in my dear heart, it is but a little stroke and you shall be there. Where the weary shall be at rest and where the wicket shall ceace from troubling us. Remember you may eat dinner with the bitter herbs, but you shall have a sweet supper with Christ tomorrow night.

My dear, by what i write to you, I do not intend to teach you. For all these comforts i recieve from the lord by you teaching me. I will write no more nor ever trouble you further but commit you to the arms of god with whom you and i will forever be. Fare well my dear, i shall never see your face again until we both behold the face of lord Jesus at that great day.

Love. Mary~

'End Quote'

Quoted from sermon:

This was a relationship, so centered on the things of god, that when it really came to the crux of life, thats all that showed. GUYS this won't happen when you say "I do" or when you say "will you marry me", it won't happen next week. It must happen today, by becoming the man gods wants us to be. So the women that god puts in our life will be shepparded the way he wants us to sheppard them. That is the fruit of a godly mans love for a women, that she would encourage him before his death blow.

Genuine and biblical love lasts and works only in christ when shared between two people who love him and each other.

Ben: Be bold be strong, for the lord god is ALWAYS with you.

Only Because STEPH did it.

2005-06-06T07:08:00.000+09:30

Interesting, and somewhat true.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

I'm scared to see this web site inferes that everyone is easy to get into bed.

Your #1 Love Type: ISFJ

The Nurturer
In love, you are quietly intense, devoted, and tend too hold on too long.For you, sex is a way to get closer - and a way to take care of your partner.
Overall, you are altruistic and eager to please your sweetie.However, you tend to also be non-confrontational and secretly frustrated with relationship issues.
Best matches: ESTP or ESFP

What's" Your Love Type?

I have emotional problems

Your EQ is

147 50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick!51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese.71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely.91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that.111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt.131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin.150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

What's" Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

This ones interesting, but i think it's a little skude? (out of balance) because i couldn't be bothered to read all the answers to the questions

You Are a Peacemaker Soul

You strive to please others and compromise anyway you can.War or conflict bothers you, and you would do anything to keep the peace.You are a good mediator and a true negotiator.Sometimes you do too much, trying so hard to make people happy.
While you keep the peace, you tend to be secretly judgmental.You lose respect for people who don't like to both give and take.On the flip side, you've got a graet sense of humor and wit.You're always dimplomatic and able to give good advice.
Souls you are most compatible with: Warrior Soul, Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

have no idea about this one, i think its wrong

Your Dominant Thinking Style:

Exploring
You thrive on the unknown and unpredictable. Novelty is your middle name.You are a challenger. You tend to challenge common assumptions and beliefs.
An expert inventor and problem solver, you approach everything from new angles.You show people how to question their models of the world.

Your Secondary Thinking Style:

Modifying
Super logical and rational, you consider every fact available to you.You don't make rash decisions and are rarely moved by emotion.
You prefer what's known and proven - to the new and untested.You tend to ground those around you and add stability.

What's" Your Thinking Style?

Secrets Of The Heart

2005-06-03T21:08:00.000+09:30

I sit here, listening and watching and reading about a website called post secret. I have to say, everytime i read anything or watch the film clip of the site, my heart starts having such a great burden for people... it really hurts my heart.

It makes me think of all those people i know who don't know christ, it makes me think of myself and how stupid i am of how i use the gifts that god has given me, i think about how immature and selfish i am, how closed minded i am, how i'm so pathetically weak in myself, how unsure i am of myself sometimes, how i have to put up a front sometimes because i'm afraid of getting hurt. I think of how much more i want to be closer to god.

I am so glad god has saved me, i am so glad that there is more to this than this life. Everyone is hurting, everyone. The people closest to me, give such a great outside apperance, and yet are bleeding on the inside.

Why am i christian,
because it was the only thing that stopped my heart from bleeding,
it was the only thing that stopped me from wanting to kill myself,
it was the only thing that could heal my rejection,
it was the only thing that i could really feel loved,
it was the only thing that taught me how to love.

I hated life so much, i hated it because i saw it to be so pointless. I was king solomon, everything to me was vainity. I knew there was a god, but i thought he was some immature kid who enjoyed seeing what he made suffer. But i learnt about god, i learnt about jesus, i learnt that no matter how messed up i was, god loved me and jesus died for me, I was given back my hope in life, i was given life.

Post secret touches my heart so much, because i see myself in their words, but at the same time, i see how god wants to reach out to them, how much god wants just to bring them back under his arm.

If jesus didn't raise from the dead, and there was no ressurection, then we are to be pitied above all other men...

But he did rise.

Blessed are those who do not see, but believe.

Live and Learn continue

2005-06-03T12:34:00.000+09:30

The continuation of bens random updates from a random book.

I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die
-age 53

I've learned that you should never go to bed with an arguement unsettled
-age 73

I've learned that education,experience and memories are three things no one can take away from you
-age 67

I've learned that no matter how glamorous a job seems at first, after six months it is just another job
-age 42

I've learned that a mule (arse) dressed in a tuxedo is still a mule
-age 80

-I've learned that when traveling overseas, it's best to carry a good supply of toilet paper
-age 54

I've learned that if you want to get even with someone at camp, you rub their underwear in poison ivy
-age 11

I've learned that you have little chance of finding the caring, supportive husband of your dreams in a bar
-age 29

I've learned that generous people seldom have emotional and mental problems.
-age 51

I've learned that when i drop a slice of bread with jelly on it, it always lands jelly-side down
-age 33

I've learned that having a baby doesn't solve marital problems.
-age 24

I've learned that the best thing about groing older is now i don't feel the need to impress anyone
-age 79

I've learned that violence on television and in the movies is so graphic and extreme that it's numbing our children to pain and suffering in the real world
-age 59

I've learned that a good reputation is a person's greatest asset
-age 74

I've learned that everyone is attractive when they smile
-age 51

I've learned that if you laugh and drink soda pop at the same time, it will come out your nose
-age 7

I've learned that if you read something that's unitelligible gibberish, it was probable written by a lawyer
-age 48

I've learned that wherever i go, the world's worst drivers have followed me there. (for luke :D)
-age 29

-I've learned that I should make the little decisions with my head and big decission with my heart
-age 52

I've learned that when you read bedtime stories, kids really do notice if you use the same voice for the handsome prince that you used for the evil ogre the night before
-age 29

I've learned that days are long, but life is short
-age 88

I've learned that there are four ages of men: 1) when you believe in santa claus, 2) when you don't believe in santa claus, 3) when you are Santa claus, and 4) when you look like Santa claus
-age 51

I've learned that being a success at the office is not worth it if it means being a failure at home
-age 51

I've learned that when i eat fish sticks, they help me swim faster because they're fish
-age 7

I've learned that to love and be loved is the greatest joy in the world
-age 78

My favourite song. It's the lyrics that matter to a song, NOT the beat.

2005-06-01T08:54:00.000+09:30

Shimmer, by Fuel

She calls me from the cold
Just when I was low, feeling short of stable
And all that she intends
And all she keeps inside, isn't on the label

She says she's ashamed
And she can take me for a while
And can I be a friend, we'll forget the past
But maybe I'm not able
And I break at the bend

We're here and now, but will we ever be again
'Cause I have found All that shimmers in this world is sure to fade
Away again

She dreams a champagne dream
Strawberry surprise, pink linen and white paper
Lavender and cream
Fields of butterfliess, reality escapes her

She says that love is for fools that fall behind
And I'm somewhere in between
I never really know A killer from a savior
'Til I break at the bend

We're here and now, but will we ever be again
'Cause I have found
All that shimmers in this world is sure to fade
Away again

too far away for me to hold
too far away.... Guess I'll let it go

A phone call to break the bordem.

2005-05-30T14:46:00.000+09:30

Well, here i was sitting in front of my computer, attempting to work, and learn how to play the Super Mario Brothers theme song when my phone rings.

A nice voice asking me if they could speak to Barbara Delaney (my mum)
Well, anyhow, after me fidling around and trying to mind what they wanted me to look at in order to change my electricity thing....

We start chatting, anyway, this is a 21 year old vietnamese girl, named vanessa that is working at this place, born on the 19th of september, has travelled to malaysia (and hated it) tailand and vietnam....... i thought... hey, that's interesting...

Anyway, after talking for a bit, we hang up... and i thought that was it... BUT was it???

While i was posting this blog thing, she rings again, and this time asks for my email address and is gonna send something, so i'm gonna go have a look now.. hope it isn't something weird!!!

Anyway, that was my interesting blog for the day.

Live and Learn and Pass It On~

2005-05-29T07:34:00.000+09:30

I found a book that has a whole bunch of "things i've learned" quotes, and i believe some of them are quite profound, so when i have too much time, or trying to just get away from work, i will up date this list.

I've learned that you can't hide a piece of broccoli in your glass of milk
-age 7

I've learned that a person is only as good as his or her word
-age 90

I've learned that good advice is hard to give but even harder to follow
-age 68

I've learned at least once in his life, a man makes a fool of himself over a women
-age 46

I've learned that you can be in love with 4 girls at the same time
-age 9

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a man by the happiness of his wife and the respect given him by his children
-age 51

I've learned that children and grandparents are natual allies
-age 46

I've learned that even when you schedule a doctor's appointment at 8:00 am you still have to wait an hour.
-age 42

I've learned that I shouldn't go grocery shopping when i'm hungry
-age 38

I've learned that I should never praise my mother's cooking when I'm eating something fixed by my wife
-age 27

I've learned that nothing really bad happens when you tear those little "do not remove" tags from the pillow
-age 31

I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.
-age 65

I've learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone.
-age 50

I've learned that i makes me sad when i'm the last one chosen for a team.
-age 9

I've learned that if you care, it shows.
-age 30

How Much I Love These, Solomon Style

2005-05-28T13:43:00.000+09:30

Let me tell you, how much i love thee, biblicly.

Behold, you are fair, my love,
Behold, you are fair(1:15)

Refresh me with apples,
For i am lovesick (2:5)

My beloved, you are like a 400 pound horse
With nice cheeks. (paraphrased 1:9)

Your hair is like a flock of goats,
Your teeth are like a flock of shorn sheep.
Everyone on of these animals bares twins (ow) (4:1-2)

Your neck is like a big long long tower,
made of big stones. (paraphrased 4:1)

Your breasts are like two fawns (??)
Twins of gazelle (4:5)

My love, you shower daily, thus you have no spots. (paraphrased 4:7)

How much better is your love than wine,
oh Please, oh please 400 pound horse,
Come and be thine.

First Angels/Ward Night.

2005-05-26T21:29:00.000+09:30

Well, Today was the first angel and wards night, as the title obviously says, and it was quite intersting, it seems that whoever had an angel who is a guy, didn't get anything... lol... funny.

But anyway, we also did this personality thing, and it's good to see that i have a heart, although supposively (yah.) jen doesn't have a heart... which does explain at least a couple of things :D

I forgot to write about skirmish, except for the fact i had a weird gay walk for quite some time, but skirmish was really fun, i got to shoot people, yell at people, and pretend to be a real soldier. Soooo cool, i was running around yelling at people to get into position, to aim in a direction and keep cover fire and stuff. Felt like a commando.

Although one crappy thing about skirmish is the masks, because my nose is so flat, there is a huge gap in the face mask, because it's made for white people, so as soon as i start running anywhere, i can't see Jack...

One round, i managed to get lost from the other 3 guys with me (they all got shot) and then stumble back to my base area to shoot 3 guys in the ass. MAAHHHA, yes, yes, my life is complete.
But i'm hoping next time we can do battle against ccm's perhaps something like, CCM group vrs Africans... :p

Servay tonight was interesting, i'm a compassionate administrater, i think that means i have issues that are vaugely organized.

Anyway, tonight is getting long, and i need sleep.

What Love is and what Ben isn't

2005-05-25T10:24:00.000+09:30

LOOOOVVVEE ISS~

Love is patient,

love is kind,

love does not envy,

love does not boast.

love is not puffed up (NKJ)

Love does not behave rudely,

love does not seek it's own,

love is not provoked

love thinks no evil,

Love does not rejoice in iniquity,

But rejoices in truth

Love bears all things,

Believes all things

Hopes All things

Endures all things.

LovE NeVEr FaILs

How Do You Love?

2005-05-23T14:43:00.000+09:30

In the last few weeks, i've tried being a more loving person, more kind, more patient, more compassionate. Although it has really been hard and i don't understand why. I talk to god about it alot, and i pray about it, yet everytime i try to care about some people i just end up getting angry at them.

I don't know what to do, and i guess there is no point to get upset, god will vindicate me.

Skirmish, the hidden dangers!!

2005-05-22T19:25:00.000+09:30

Well, yesterday i went skirmishing, and now i have to say, i feel like i'm crippled. Walking around today at church made me feel like my legs were in plaster. My ass making a funny swaying motion as i pathetically attempted to run around trying to organize things. But luckily gods grace has been sufficient, and people didn't notice my almost gay like running because of the humungus pimple on my nose, that no less then 3 people decided to remind me of today.

But other than that, church service was really good. I felt so good in the last week, i prayed just for a break from everything and god has really provided and re-newed my faith. I felt such a need to pray for james today, about his brother, and i urge anybody reading this to say a quick prayer for him, his brother is seriously ill, and could die. If that was your brother, sister, father or mother, you would want everyone to pray for him, so i ask, if not beg you, please pray for him, for there is power in prayer.

Other than that, not much going on today. I find that caring for people is hard, but it's something i love. I'm definitly looking forward to leading in 2 weeks time, (sing sing sing!!)
Oh and on the topic of singing, i think for her first time, elsa did really well on back up. I was impressed. Sing for god, and you will sound good. That's what i think anyway.

How Ben Found God. (Long)

2005-05-21T22:08:00.000+09:30

Since most people don't know how i became a christian, i thought i would write my story about how God, and my lord Jesus Christ came into my life.

It was about 2 and a half years ago, that i first started going to CCM group (christian campus movement)

During this time, i was heavily addicted to gaming (playing games) and was spending about 6-8 hours A DAY playing this stupid game called Counter-strike (i think maybe it was created by demons). I was heavily addicted to other things as well (ask me personally for more details of how messed up I was.) my life was a wreck, i was still really messed up from my first girlfriend, i was a manic depressive person, contemplated suicide quit a bit, and all my other time was spent in bars playing pool, or hanging out with really bad company.

Anyway, one day i was playing games, and there was this other guy in the lan shop, and the conversation went something like this: (if bad language offends you, please don't read what follows)

Other Guy: F- You!
Me: F-You
OG: Come up here and say it (he was on the second floor)
Me: No i think herpes is contagious (really helping the situation)
Some Other Guy: he's on computer 12
....... silence .......

The guy started coming down the steps, and i was petrified, i didn't know what to do, so i just looked at my computer screen and worried more and more.
Anyway, looking at computer screen didn't help, and the guy was going something like "what the hells your problem" me... i was worried now, so i was like "i was just kidding..."

I looked back to the computer screen, only to be punched in the head, and i went down pretty fast, and the rest of his friends, (another 7 or so) and beat the hell out of me... literally :D

Anyway, 10 min later, i'm lying in my own blood with a broken finger, and a very bloodied up face, and my body was kinda hurting. Went to the hospital, doctors screwed up, later had to have pins thru my finger to fix it.

That was pretty traumatising, but it wasn't the physical pain that hurt... the thing that hurt the most is that i had people around me who were ment to be my friends... and they did nothing, i had about 7-8 friends there too, and they did nothing at all... people who i thought i could count on. It really hurt, it felt worse than anything in the world... when i needed them the most, they weren't there, i felt like i couldn't trust anyone.

Anyway, this led to me staying in my room at the RAH (royal adelaide hospital) for about 3 months straight without leaving, oh and i was staying there because my parents just sold their house... But god really provided in the most unusual way. There was this guy, who had to be at least 150 kg and he looked like a big scary biky, but he had the biggest heart. Although sadly i've lost contact with him, he had alot of issues himself. I wish i could tell him god loves him, because he felt as if no one loved him at all (please tell people the love of god, cause everyone is hurting)

Well, during that christmas i went back to malaysia, and just cried alot, and spent time with my mum, life didn't seem to be getting better, i had failed all my exams, and life was just going downhill.

Then the new year started, and i was walking around uni during O'week, and Paul (really good guy, talk to him, godly, and knows alot) came up to me and evangelised. It went something like this:

Paul : hi my name is Paul...
Me: uhhh... okay?... oh sorry.. my names ben.
Paul: do you know about god?
Ben: (eek gad, weirdo) umm yes? I'm a christian (on paper)
Paul: really?
Ben: not really... i do believe in god.
Paul: well we have this group called ccm, on thursdays at 5:15, would you like to come.
Ben: (smiles and nods) suuurrreee...

Anyway, off i went, and then it occured to me, that i didn't really have anything else to do... and my life sucked anyway, so some new faces could help... also i heard that church groups generally have lots of asian girls... so i thought perhaps i could pick up one of them, so i went.

Well, i spent the next 3 months going to ccm and eventually going to church.... i have no idea at all why... i spent the whole time sitting in the back, either
a) sleeping (which really really really annoyed nick... maahhha)
b) looking at everyone and thinking.... man christians are weird.

But, by the grace of god i kept going, and suddenly one day, i saw how Brendan, helen, paul (only 3 i really knew then) loved people, and how no matter where you were from or what you did or how you smelt, they loved and cared for you... and i thought to myself... i want that... i don't know what it is, but my life is so crap, i want that, i want to be able to love people, and just care, with no hidden motives.

Thus I said the sinners prayer (all for the wrong reasons by the way, it was cause a girl i liked was christian and i thought i should have something in common) but god answered, and he came into my life and changed me in so many ways, he gave me hope, forgiveness, and strength... i use to wish i could have found him later so i could sin more... but now i wish i found him earlier.

What is my life like now?

I wake, and have purpose... i can love people for who they are... i feel alive, i don't have all this hate in my heart, but a longing to love people more and more... i love life.

I am still flawed, and i still sin, and i still make mistakes, and life as a christian is hard... it's a constant battle, but i have unmentionable joy, and i know death is not the end for me.

God loves you, ALL of you, and he doesn't care about your past... all before will be forgiven if you turn to him, and you can never do anything that God's grace cannot cover, His forgiveness is beyond anything i could ever do, and he still loves me, and he loves you (reader).

God is the author and perfecter of our faith, and my life is aglow with love for Jesus.

If you would like to know more about god, or have any questions, please feel free to email me at yahweh_007@hotmail.com

God loves You.

1st Posting

2005-05-20T00:47:00.000+09:30

Well, here we go again, this time my blogger is unknown to everyone else in my Church group, so now i am free to blog, how i want to blog. MAAAHHHAAA, well i guess it ain't that great. So what is new in my life. Well, lets see, i recently stuffed up another relationship, and now i'm grasping at what seems to me to be straws in order to make it into some sort of healthy friendship. With my track record this could be a first.

But no, just incase that special person is reading this, i have to say, dispite any of her problems or weird quirks, she is an amazing person, who's really interesting, and seems to have a strange habit of laughing the most when people FART?~ Well, i never denied women were strange and unusual.

We have this silly angel and guardian game going on, where you have to be nice to the person you pick out of this box thing, and then you try to stay annonymous and send them stuff, or something like that. Well, i got the person that i prayed (only light heartedly) not to get... It's not that she's a bad person... she's actually really nice, perhaps a little strange and erratic, but most people are. Although i kind of enjoy the challenge, because now i have to do, what i wanted to do, is learn to be nice... man... god has bad humour... i like it :D

Well saturday i'm going paint ball skirmishing... YAY, i loooovvveee shooting people, but i also have this giant ass pimple coming on my nose and i don't know if i now want to evangelise on the bus, probable because i'm so arragent that it is hurting my pride. Although, now i can see if a girl likes me because of my personality, or looks, or lack of them... seeing that girls seem to be able to put up with ugly people alot better than we males can.

Well, i'm also struggling to learn how to play the mario brothers theme song on my guitar... crazy song. But it's better than studying.
Anyway, that's enough for my first time.

This picture below is ment to represent how i feel when i get too flustered, and thus why i must miss weekend evangelism in order to go let off steam.